reclaiming the calm

i have been pretty behind in my blogging lately so i must make an effort to update more.

about a month ago little c truly found the limits of his voice (and my patience) as he began 'infant tantrum stage.' on any given day, BT (before tantrums), c would be happy and content to just sit and play with little more than a few squawks of displeasure. then came one morning when, during our usual routine, i set him in his swing so i could begin making myself some breakfast. i did nothing out of the ordinary as i handed him a few of his usual favorite toys and turned on the tv for a little fraggle rock morning sing along. to be honest he watches little of it, but, with his enjoyment of music and singing, it always seems to put him in a good mood. i walked into the kitchen, which is out of his view, only to be startled by the ear-splitting scream that erupted from the living room. i ran to the living room prepared to find some mayhem and disaster had taken place (not sure what that would have been, but a mom's knee jerk fears sometimes have no logic), only to see my child sitting in his swing where i had left him, red in the face and melting down before my eyes. not sure what was wrong, i scooped him up and checked him over, finding nothing out of the ordinary. i soothed him and as i leaned to place him back in his swing, the crying and screaming started again.

though it was unusual behavior, i was convinced it was just the mood he was in that day and i paid a little more attention to him than probably was necessary. not realizing i was creating a wee monster, the tantrums continued at bedtime. once i placed him in his crib the freak-out began. after back patting, stomach patting, attempting the pacifier, music, story reading, and just rocking him to sleep in my arms, i made to place him in his crib, only to have him startle and begin the whole ordeal over again. even after finally getting him to sleep, a few hours later he would awake crying and screaming. this went on for weeks and began to spread from bedtime to anytime i needed to put him down.

after many sleepless nights and my patience being stretched to it's limit, e suggested the one thing i had been avoiding: crying it out. during a particularly loud tantrum at bedtime, i started to rise from bed when e stopped me and told me that i really should let him go for a while. as he reminded me, i am too accessible to c during the day and therefore i have lost my role as 'mom' and become slave to his every want and need. so, in bed i sat, cringing at the sound of a shrieking and upset little boy. after a while, it quieted and eventually stopped. when he woke again a few hours later, he was no longer screaming and shrieking, but crying and fussing. then, when he woke in the morning, he was relatively calm about making it known that he was awake. determined to keep progress moving in the right direction, i decided nap time would go just the same way and i would let him cry it out again. as i placed a sleepy wren in his wee crib to nap, he began the usual routine of working himself into a tizzy. this time, though, instead of lingering and trying to comfort him, i turned on his mobile and his books on cd and promptly left his room. after ten minutes, the fit stopped and all was quiet. two hours later, he awoke happy, rested, and ready to play. after some playing, i had to do a few chores and placed him in his swing with his favorite toys and waiting for the tantrum that i expected to ensue... and nothing. nothing happened except a few coo's and squeals of delight as he began playing with his toys. when i started to leave the room, he began to fuss as he noticed i was leaving but i continued my mission of getting the laundry done. after a minute, silence again. i peeked back into the living room to find a content baby, swinging and playing all on his own. his second nap was even easier than the first with only five minutes of mild crying. bedtime was a breeze with about five seconds of fussing and sleeping nearly through the night. and so it's continued this way days later.

i have to admit how amazed i am at the way this worked. once i broke my habit of coddling his every upset moment he stopped wanting my coddling. even if something displeases him, the reaction is much more mild, as if he's rationalizing the outcome. as hard as it was to let him carry on and scream for more than ten minutes, i had to access my own knowledge that he was not hungry, he was not gassy or sick, he was not wet, cold, or any of the other reasons a baby might have to be truly upset over. i had to force myself to acknowledge his willfulness and determination, but that i had to be just as determined as he. no matter the amount of noise he made, no matter how loud the shrieks and screams got, i stood my ground and in the process gained back my role as his mom, not his slave. though it came as a last resort, and though i thought how mean it seemed to let my baby get so upset, he taught me that even one so small can take advantage of one so big. just as i taught him that one so big as his momma gets to call the shots most of the time.

that said, i have to love his persistence and spirit, but i'm happy to have my calm and relaxed baby back.

out like a lion

much needed catching up is in order!

so march is drawing to a close tomorrow, as it will be april the first, and i cannot say it's gone out too much like a lamb. it roared in and is planning to roar out, too. one can only hope the april showers that are planning to grace us tomorrow into the weekend will be kind and not as cold and foreboding as they are threatening to be. with this april month in our grasp comes some stepping stones for my wee wren, too.

he's officially completed teething and is sporting two bottom incisors and a very determined and sharp bite. along with teeth came a new fascination with the raspberry noises we've been making at him lately. i anticipated that he would start puckering up his lips and blowing those cute baby bubbles and berries soon, but i was not expecting his mimicry to go so far as to include his tongue yet. e and i jokingly stick our tongues out to him and make the traditional 'thhhhp!' sound when little c is being particularly silly. now he's decided that raspberries are for the birds and he's begun making a rather drooly rendition of 'thhhhp!' back at us. he's quite proud of this and finds it to be incredibly amusing, and who's to blame him? it often sends me into giggles as he smirks, sticks out his little tongue, and blows a wet 'thhhhp!' back in my direction. clever boy!

he's still wary of tummy time, but we are being persistent with it's progress and have convinced him to roll over more readily now. though the tantrums seem to get louder with his new vocalizations, he's starting to understand the act of tummy time and rolling over. he even is beginning to attempt back to front as well as trying to sit up from a lying down position. he is desperate to be mobile and i am hopeful that if we continue progress with his belly routines that he may be crawling by six months.

progress of my wee babe aside, he's continued to be such a sweet and attentive child. being parents, as the bond is quite different than that of a cousin or acquaintance, we are privy to things no one else will share with our children. he just melts my heart with the darling things he does that no one else sees. i love when e comes home from work and c will get very excited and grin as he's swept up into daddy's arms, only to reach out both hands and touch e's face with loving familiarity as if to say 'just making sure it's you!' this morning, while lying in bed with my little bean, he rousted from an after-breakfast-snooze and a sleepy smile stretched across his face while, too, reaching for my face with those tiny hands to cup my cheek and chin. hands-to-face is his greeting to most people now, since his words have a while before finding his lips, and i cannot help but wonder warmly at his curiosity and intrigue of new things and people.

though his self-awareness is making him a bit more hesitant about going to people other than mom & dad (often times evoking a mini meltdown), he's quickly learning to trust and enjoy other people's company after watching them for a minute. his doctor's appointment two days earlier was actually most pleasant in comparison to our two month visit. while sitting on my lap, c observed his favorite nurse and dr. a very closely and even offered a smile and a few coo's in their directions before happily going to dr. a for his exam and even allowing his nurse to give him a shot without a flinch. since our last vaccination experience was quite negative, this time we split up the shots so he would have only one at a time. it worked well and he was hardly fussy and slept solidly through the night. next week he will follow with the second shot and i think the result will be the same. live it, learn it!

we did get our cloth diapers, finally, but have yet to use them exclusively. the diapers and the use of them is not the issue so much as the fact that our string bean is so long and lean that the diapers are too large for his skinny frame. he cannot sit up or even move his legs much in the over-voluminous diapers, which is just hindering the progress he's been making with tummy time and sitting on his own. we've agreed to wait to use them when he's a bit bigger so that they will not envelope him and reduce his persistent mobility.

catching up achieved for now! we are much looking forward to our first easter with our bitty wren, as we are hosting a dinner for grandparents and aunts, uncles, and big cousin. it will be nice to have everyone in one place again to eat and visit and make memories. hard to ask for more than that!

springing forward

with spring *hopefully* around the corner, our bitty beetle is launching himself into his four month activities with great speed. his bottom front teeth are both through the gums and making their way up up up! he has also added rolling over without our help to his resume of accomplishments. though he still very much hates being on his belly, and has lately been acting very defeated about tummy time, he is now learning that with his frustration comes strength and determination and the motivation to roll from his belly to his back without our assistance. the look of both shock and pride on his face is nothing short of priceless. with arm and stomach strength on the rise, so is his leg strength. he's been very interested in standing for a little over a month, but now he's beginning something i was not expecting... stepping! with my hands under his arms, he bears almost all of his own weight and will eagerly step forward one little foot at a time if i walk with him. of course with all of these new physical strides being achieved, so are new vocal ones. with new sounds, and that infectious laughter we've been chasing close at hand, he's finding more and more ways to express his feelings to us. i have hours of fun just 'talking' with him and listening to his heart breakingly adorable noises.

with the weather warming, i am so looking forward to taking him out of the house more for walks and hikes with the dogs, and, with summer heat, dipping his little toes into the pool, lake, and ocean for the first time. this spring and summer hold such great things to experience with my wee wren, i can hardly wait.

the tooth of the matter

well, we have reached the peak of teething this week. for the past few weeks i suspected little c was starting teething, but i couldn't be sure because he had no swelling of the gums, redness, or other signs of teeth. he was just drooling and chewing on everything. being that he's only four months old as of yesterday, i thought it must be too early for teeth yet. a few weeks later, the chewing got much more focused and i poked around his bottom gums until i noticed the left side was a little more swollen than the right. nothing much came of it, just more chewing and now it was the thumb that was taking a munching. then, last weekend he started waking up every two hours at night. this is absolutely unusual for him as he loves to snooze, so i thought 'yup! this must be teething!'

though i knew better, i was told that it's possible he's not teething but just going through a cranky/sleepless phase. yesterday my suspicions were confirmed: a tooth! not the whole tooth, but the top of a tooth poking through him bottom front gums. it has yet to rise out of the gums, but i don't think we will have long to wait! i hope this ordeal ends soon, as i see the beginning of the second tooth emerging as well and both my little boy and myself are in dyer need of a solid night's sleep! my zombie state has been dragging on for a week and it's getting the better of me now. though i am working hard to shake it off, the success of that is far from reach i fear.

the new news

next week my little boy will be four months old and he is quickly adding new things to his repertoire. within the past week he has added many many new noises; 'words', squeaks, squawks, and squeals are finding their way into his increasing vocalizations. he's becoming very self aware now and expressing his distaste with great volume these days. though the shrieking and screaming fits are always temporary, this does not remove the surprise at his strong objection to certain things now. tantrums aside, his mood has been social and heart-crushingly cute. he's been teething this month and i am finally feeling a little swelling at the ridge of his bottom front gums. i have a feeling within the next month a wee tooth (or two) will poke it's pearly self through them. these sweet little 'hippo teeth,' as i've always called them, will only add more adorable charm to his brilliant little smile.

last night we spent about half an hour working with him on rolling over with no success. though tummy time is still a strongly objected past time for him, we soldier on in effort to build his strength in it. this morning, while laying him belly-down on the couch next to me he began to object, as usual, and squirm. the next thing i knew he was rolling over (into my ready hands, of course)! thinking it just a fluke, i was pleasantly surprised when he later repeated this action on our bed. it seems rolling tummy to back is another added skill little c is beginning to master. yesterday i also found a new skill i was not expecting him to have yet. while holding him under his arms, i stood him on his feet. he has been standing up for over a month with our assistance, so this is not new.. but when he raised his left leg and put it down only to raise his right.. i was curious. so, to test a theory, i began to move him in a forward motion.. and beheld my seventeen week old child 'walking' along with me! he would lift one leg and place it in front of him, straighten it, then lift and move the other. it appears that he is planning to skip crawling and move straight into walking!

i don't feel ready to let go of his 'newborn' status yet, but being that he's now an infant and moving quickly into all of the things that infants learn to do, i must succumb to it nonetheless.  i admit i am bursting with pride over his many accomplishments, regardless of the twinge of nostalgia i am experiencing. the often asked question of parents being 'where does the time go?' as our children hurtle headlong into growing up.

mushy mama

i must call a 'mushy mama moment' to recant my sickeningly sweet adoration for my son. i spent about five minutes looking at photos of him as a newborn and trying to imagine him so small again. now that my three+ month old is 15lbs and most likely over 25 inches long i am having a hard time remembering his tiny body snuggled close to mine as he no longer can even lay on my lap without his long limbs hanging off.

c has been doing great things lately as he's discovering his newest advances. the noises he's making and the immense amount of smiles he's been gracing us with often cause a reaction inside my stomach that nearly causes me to bubble over with giddy laughter. odd and unexpected as it is, i pride myself on such overwhelming reactions to my child. he just has power over me that i am sure other parents understand, power i am happy to give him as love holds no bounds. i keep having these 'you are just SO CUTE!' moments, you know, the ones where something is so adorable that you almost have to resist the urge to squish it? we call it 'petting the kitty syndrome,' as it's similar to the impulse to pet a new kitten really hard because you just can't get enough. (the further into explanation i go, the more odd it makes me sound..) moving on.

we also have discovery of our hands lately. c has been holding up his hands and his toys and checking them out with new interest. items that he never bothered with are now new gems in his expanding world. it seems, also, that his self awareness is coming into play as now he wants me to reassure him that, when i put him down, i am not abandoning him. it's a mere moment of screaming followed by the dawning of realization that 'mom didn't leave me,' and then he goes back to being perfectly content. he's becoming quiet interested in his surroundings, his pets, and the voices of mommy and daddy. hard to believe, but he even knows his name, as well as who is 'mommy' and who is 'daddy.' we played a little game a few nights back where e would ask, 'caleb, where's mommy?' while i was seated out of view. he would then swivel his head around and search until he found me. at first, i figure this to be a fluke. but each time he was asked, he would look in my direction then back to e. so i did the same but asked, 'caleb, where's daddy?' and the same result transpired. it seems that he is quickly learning the words we use often and recognizing  the people attached to them. fascinating how children learn and comprehend things, even at such an early age.

commencing countdown

we are really rounding on laughter liftoff lately. c has only managed the one delicious peal of laughter a few weeks ago and has been working hard to recreate it. the squeaks, squawks, ooh's, and ahh's are so magical i often forget that he's a mere three months old. his advances in certain things cause a lapse in memory of his three months, but it's surely his size that's throwing us off the most! our boy is so tall for his age, and working his way through growth spurt after growth spurt that i have been casting aside his clothing left and right as his legs and arms begin to poke out further and further from the cloth. long legged pants and long sleeved shirts are becoming shorts and tees right before my eyes! so, with touches of sadness as well as pride, i pack away more little outfits we will be keeping for keepsakes and possibly the arrival of a new sibling one day, and collect the borrowed outfits from big cousin em to be returned. the rest of his clothing i have been setting aside for a pair of dear friends' expected little boy. it seems that baby fever has struck the people around me as more and more are expanding their families. i cannot withhold the smile that crosses my lips as i am reminded of the one thing i never expected us all to become: grown-ups.