welcoming the vernal equinox

today is the vernal equinox; the first day of spring! the weather greeted us warmly with sunshine and we wanted to spend our day outside enjoying the turning of the seasons. beaz and i packed up our chalk, some toy trucks, his scooter, and our smiles and headed to our driveway with a mission to redesign it's blacktop. i admit, it was mostly me who adorned the tar, but little c did his best to add to my scribblings. he was a bit more concerned about hoarding the chalk than actually using it, but i digress. it was quite perfect, sitting in the sunshine doodling with chalk, a medium i haven't used in far too long. how i went this long without picking up a stick, i can't possibly imagine, as it brought back delights of past art projects and filled me with the whimsy of a young child again. i see many more fun projects like this in our future as our wee wren grows and becomes more skilled in his artistry. what a blissful way to bring spring into 2012!

in like a lion, out like a lamb

march, true to it's lion & lamb reputation, has brought us some unpredictable weather as always. as little c would put it, "rowwwrrr & baaaahhh!!" we began our first few days with 6-8 inches of snow and a week later we find it's all but melted away in the 50 degree sunshine. i, personally, have no bones to pick with march's unpredictability. growing up in maine, i have little complaints about the weather; as the saying here goes: "if you don't like the weather, wait a minute." in this case, a week, but the point still rings clear.

so beaz and i began our month with hats and mittens, sledding in the accumulating snow, and ended up outside in tee shirts, planting our very first seeds to begin our gardening for the year. we have been happily busy, though i cannot say unscathed in this germ season. we all managed to catch a nasty stomach virus, beazy making out better than i, and e ending up sick as a dog, and now i have been suffering a cold that has lasted over a week and shows little signs of letting go any time soon. but we mustn't let illness drag us down, though it may have slowed our roll a bit.

our wee wren has been talking up a storm and oh the things this guy can say to us now! it is quite remarkable, when you first understand the words your child can say, only to have it sink in deeper that not only are these words your child is speaking, but that your child is communicating with you. our sweet boy understands far more than even we grasp at times, until the light bulb moment when we see it in action. he is readily able to identify what he wants and certainly what he doesn't want. i feel lucky that 'no' is usually applied to things such as 'would you like more?' as opposed to it's inevitable progression into direct disobedience. all children must find their way, and i have a solid notion that mine will be a stalwart in all things desired or undesired. stubborn and somehow still sensitive, he's tapped into the best of both worlds and i must love every ounce of him more each day for it.

bruiser, as he should have been named at birth, has proven to us that little ones bounce back much quicker than we who have begun to bid adieu to youth. sunday he managed two black eyes from two separate incidents, and yesterday he nearly stopped my heart as he fell from a chair he is not supposed to stand in, causing me to worry for his first broken arm or leg. after a few minutes of crying and clinging to me, i managed to assess that he was indeed okay and the tears were easily dried with cheddar bunnies, raisins, and juice.

i am having more and more fun by the day, growing and learning right along with my little boy. beazy teaches me more than i could ever learn on my own about what it truly means to be a parent, and the lessons we both provide for each other are ones to keep forever in mind. it's a simple kind of magic, but one that i don't feel can be replicated without becoming a parent yourself. of all the joys i've had in life, this is certainly my greatest. but whether it's the joy of parenting or the joy of traveling, we must all find our bliss in this world. for what is life without it?

trouble is his middle name

let me clarify, before i even begin, that i knew the moment that little stick showed two pink lines i would have a child just as stubborn and mischievous as his parents. i make no excuses about what he was going to be naturally born with. and with two middle names already, adding 'trouble' has become quite a mouthful.

yesterday was a true example of the trouble little c can create when he's given just a moment to get into it. painting the scene: mom exits the living room/play room to pop a casserole into the oven for dinner. while gone, one little boy takes advantage of the missing momma to pull out the xbox, daddy's prize possesion, from the tv stand and drag it to the middle of the floor where he turns it on and attempts to put a dvd case, not dvd itself, into the tray. reenter mom to the scene---

i quickly surveyed the room and made my way to the center of the destruction to the mistreated gaming unit. i put on my best stern face and voice and proceeded to scold my son about playing with daddy's xbox, when we have asked him not to touch it on many an occasion. while crouching over it, picking up the scattered dvds and righting the unit, my sweet naughty boy put his hands on his knees, caulked his head to the side, and smiled at me. trying not to break my disciplinary tactic, i frowned and told him that it was not funny and mommy was not happy. he knows better than to touch what's in the tv stand and what he did was naughty. to my utter surprise, he then walked the few steps to my side, crouched again, rubbed my back, made an 'aww' sound, and leaned in to kiss me smack on the mouth, smiling the whole time. my reaction horrified me, as every stern bone in my body shattered into a thousand pieces and i found myself smiling and laughing.

following this incident, once all had been righted in the living room, i turned around to find him missing again. knowing just where he would have gone, i made a hasty move to the kitchen to see what he could possibly be putting in the dogs' water bowl this time. (let me backtrack a bit by saying that nearly all toys end up in there at some point and i had honestly thought that, after a few days of him steering clear of it, that the fascination was over..) well, to answer my pondering, he was seated cross legged in the bowl (not the first time) and was using my cell phone as a boat. i quickly grabbed my cell phone and set it on the counter and stood back to survey the scene, all the while repeating 'that is naughty! what has mommy told you about the dog water?! yuck!' and all the while the reaction i received was smiling and laughter at what he clearly felt was a funny stunt. again, i broke. again, i laughed. how will i ever discipline my child if he can break my defenses down so quickly? i must learn, somehow, or the results will possibly be unfavorable as the trouble escalates with age...

but, for now, i share this as a light-hearted story. i'll get back to you in six months when he paints the dog red or throws a bag of flour all over my kitchen. then there may be more tears than laughter.

lessons in language

breaking the language barrier with little c has been both a rewarding and frightening experience. he repeats nearly everything and doesn't hesitate to dish out some requests of his own. just in the last few weeks we are actually noticing he's entered a stag that generally starts at the age of two or three, or more commonly starts when children are around other children: "mine, mine, mine!" i noticed it a few weeks ago, but chose to ignore it in hopes i was hearing incorrectly. but last week he began an insistent repetition of 'mine!' and i know now he's starting to identify with other children and the want for things (toys, his drink, snacks, me..) to be only his own. being that he's never been really made to share, we didn't think that he would become so 'me-centric' at only  fourteen months of age, but spending more time interacting with other children has a way of bringing that out in almost all little ones. so we are now trying to focus his 'mine-ness' into 'our-ness' in hopes that the phase will be outgrown shortly.

next in his early identifying is knowing what we mean by 'no' or 'stop' and choosing to directly ignore it. or, in more recent cases, repeating it like a mockingbird back to us. just yesterday he was pulling papers off my desk and reciting 'no, no, no-no, no no no...' as he strew them about the floor. trying not to laugh, i just responded with 'that's right, those aren't for playing...' and picked them up, moving them out of his reach. later he discovered he can climb into the berkline rocking chair all on his own. not a big deal, save for the need to then stand in said chair, which i quickly had to push against the wall to prevent from rocking and launching my wee boy headlong to the floor. once the rocking had ceased, he resorted to standing on the arm of the chair to see the 'fisssss' in the fish tank. after a chorus of 'caleb, please sit. caleb... please sit in the chair... okay, caleb... you need to get down, please.' he then looked me square in the face, yelled 'down!' sat for a brief moment, then sprung back up to put his foot on the arm of the chair, yelling 'down!' and taking his foot back off. this continued for a minute or two before i swiftly removed him from the chair. i was, however, quite unsuccessful in keeping his out of the chair the rest of the day and it only began anew this morning. to this i recite to myself a mother's mantra of 'patience. just breathe. i must have patience.'

the one thing beaz will not repeat, at least to me, is 'please.' naturally he will say it for his grandparents, and even e gets him to utter it quietly, but for me... no. i get a prize-winning tantrum, gritted teeth, a crooked jaw, furrowed brows, and many tears before that word gets uttered. and i'll be honest, a weak mother's moment has me not standing my ground enough to get a 'please' at all before i hand over a cracker or toy. yup, i truly am guilty of a weak constitution in a moment of shear mental anguish when i just want the screaming to stop.

walking. oh that's next, yes? we have finally moved out of crawling phase (okay, "finally" may be a bit over-stated as it certainly has not brought relief) and into running phase. our rocket powered hands-and-knees boy has become a jet fueled, two legged escape artist. not only can he scoot from room to room in near silence and manage to, i dunno, take a bath in the dog's water bowl the moment my back is turned, but he has learned that our baby gate at the bottom of the stairs has never latched tightly. yes, that means that our curious beaz now pushes that gate open and climbs the stairs to explore the bedrooms upstairs. a few heart-stopping moments have come to call as a result. no tumbles, yet, and hopefully with our plan to revise our childproofing, we will have none to follow.

with all of that said, mistake me not for an exasperated mother at the end of her apron stings. these new discoveries about himself has had our little c entertaining his buns off and causing a great deal of laughter and praise in our household. the incredible charm and humor of this dear boy can cause even the worst of days to fade into the happiest. we are so very lucky to be graced with such a wonderful boy in our lives.

a stockingful of thanks

one subject that has been on my mind for the past few months is 'feeling grateful.' it's something i know i forget to stop and ponder over as often as it should be on my mind, but right now i am taking the time to address it properly.

this morning, while standing at the refrigerator filling up c's cup with water, i gazed out the window at the freshly falling snow and suddenly felt very nostalgic. this year, as with every year, my one true wish is for a white family christmas. and, as with every year, i will have my family christmas with or without the fluffy white stuff. but to see it falling silently around our home with us cozy inside, i felt ever-so thoughtful of the years i have cherished our white christmases here in maine. the new snow takes me back to the past years of snow and how much joy it brought me as a child. my brother and i spent hours in it, freezing our fingers and toes off, drenched with it as it melted through our winter clothing. often we would come inside merely to toast ourselves by the woodstove, dry out our mittens, hats, and boots, only to strap them back on (sometimes still damp) and head back out into our winter wonderland.

but this year, this year the snow brings so much more than just the memory of my childhood. as the water in c's cup neared it's brim, i suddenly had the thought of how thankful i am for my parents and the relationship i've attained with them. this year was not incredibly easy, and this month was a tough one for my father. having a progressed form of basal cell skin cancer, the only remedy was to remove his nose and construct a new one from the tissue in his cheeks. with this overwhelming physical change in place for himself, i worried that it would be extremely difficult for him to see a silver lining through the stitches. i say this with a supreme amount of gratefulness that he has found a way to begin overcoming what i can only imagine is a difficult transition. for days after the surgery, before i was able to visit with him, i tried to put myself in his shoes. how would i feel if, only after being deemed cancer free, my next battle was one with my own facial reconstruction and recovery? i can't pretend i didn't shed a vast amount of tears over the matter. naturally he will always be my dad no matter what he looks like, so my concern was not for his appearance but for how he would emotionally heal from the surgery. when i finally got to visit with him, i was quite impressed with the work his surgeons had done. sure, it's not the same nose or face i have known my whole life, but the results were far better than i had mentally prepared myself for. i did, however try to take into consideration that he may not feel the same way and it was his right to feel down about it if that was the case. his face was swollen and stitched in many places, but i could still see the man i have known since birth amid it all. and on wednesday the stitches were removed, with confirmation from my mom by phone, and my dad's joking banter in the background, that his face is beginning to look much better and is on it's way to healing well. it will take up to a year before it fully heals, but slow and steady wins the race, as they do say.

having a such a man as my father in my life is nothing short of a blessing. when i try to think of words to describe him, i generally can only reference a feeling; warm. warm in the way a big blanket shields one from the cold, the way a roaring fire relaxes the soul or a hot cup of coffee chases away a sleepy morning, warm in the utmost comforting way. please do not mistake warm to mean soft, though. sure, my dad has his soft spots for his kids and his grandson, but there was no lacking the shiver up my spine as a rebellious teen when the phrase 'just wait 'til your father gets home' was uttered. in passing through my teen years and realizing that fighting with my parents is not as much fun as laughing with them, i came to very much respect my father and mother's strict rules. now i see just what i, and my son, would be missing if my relationship had not done an about-face and become so strong. seeing my dad with little beaz reminds me of just how great i had it and just how great our sweet boy has it to be a part of our family.

with dad's surgery and the many hours spent stressing over christmas gifts and financial what-have-you's now behind me, the eve of the eve is upon us and i am ready to relax and welcome christmas day with a smile. this year our darling boy will be able to open gifts, laugh with his cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, and take in the full effect of this holiday with our family. so this year in my stocking i know just what to expect: thankful thoughts, loving wishes, and happy memories to last a lifetime.

may you and yours find the same peace and love this season and all of the rest to come.

a noteworthy turning point: year one

okay, okay. i am horrible. it's been since halloween that i've even bothered to consider an update, which, let's face it, is a bit much. but here i am, and here we are, and this is where i'll leap back into play. i will not promise photos this round, as our internet is abysmally slow and my child is spectacularly curious and quick these days. some other time, i swear!


so the big first birthday has come and gone, and oh, what a day it was! not only did i stress over party details up until the last minute, but was gloriously rewarded the day of his birthday party. it went off without a hitch and a great time was had by all. we are so thankful to have the people in our lives who care as much for us as we do for them. our wee beazey was graced with presence and presents galore and could not have been happier. he went down for a nap still smeared in chocolate frosting, and woke with a smile still plastered to his face.

we are now preparing for our second christmas with our growing boy, and i have to say that the festive mood has infected my very soul this year. years past i have been in less than a celebratory mood, but the arrival of our sweet little c has done nothing but set my spirits to soaring over this holiday season. not only did i begin cutting paper snowflakes (the likes of which i haven't even attempted since i was a kid), and cutting custom paper trees and snow to adorn our windows, but i even went so far as to collect various evergreen bows and stuff three very large flower pots, a small flower pot, and a wooden pallet full of them for the front and side doors of our house. i have our tree up, but i await purchasing more lights before we can decorate it, as this is the first time we have put up the full tree. yes, i prefer a real tree, but our faux-fir has been handed down to us by e's parents and is being put to loving use.

on the toddler front we have been having a blast with all of beaz's new things. new words are flying out of his mouth daily and he's even become more confident in his walking, though still preferring to jet around on hands and knees. he's trying to eat with utensils, put his own shoes and socks on, he's even 'helping' by putting things away/wiping up things. it's not really as helpful as it sounds, but i still appreciate his mimicking. he's really starting to communicate to us more readily and is nearly overjoyed when he learns something that evokes an eruption of praise from us. his personality has truly blossomed, and though most of the time it shows his sweet and incredibly silly side... we have learned much more about his stubborn, frustrated side recently. tantrums, hitting, throwing tows, are only a few of his expressions of true upset, but we are working ever-so-hard on quelling the storm that is little c. instead of hitting, we have been replacing the kind of touching he does with rubbing and hugging and it seems to be overtaking our once slap-happy boy. lately if i rub his back, he will rub mine, or approach me and rub my leg/arm/whatever. and the HUGS! i have to say that there is little greater feeling than my tiny toddler hugging me and meaning it! and, in addition to hugs, comes an onslaught of super wet kisses. i adore each drooly and awkward one!

some favorites of the beazey boy lately include riding the radio flyer scooter we got him for his birthday, the tv show 'curious george,' almost ANY music, head banging and drumming on his chest/legs, books books books!, forts, climbing the stairs and well... anything he can climb, and snuggling down to sleep with his giraffe, alice, that his auntie hentrietta gave him many months ago.

no matter where his journey takes him, i have nothing but immense love and pride for my son. he shows me every day just how clever a boy he is and how lucky we are to have him complete our family.

if i do not take time to write again soon, wishing everyone a very merry christmas and happy new year.

*owl*-o-ween!

i have come to accept that my days of blogging more than once every few months are behind me as i struggle to keep up with an extremely busy eleven month old four days out of a week while working the other three days. but i must at least make an update now, before my little babe reaches *toddler!* status next month!

little c has been blowing this momma's mind lately with the many things he's learning. now repeating words such as 'apple,' 'kitty-cat,' 'dogs,' 'isa,' and various other randoms, he's also begun to identify things. reading him his favorite story 'goodnight, moon' for the tenth or twelfth time the other day, i read the line 'and two little kittens' and to my surprise, my beaz reached over and pointed to the two kittens on the page, repeating 'kitten' in his soft whisper voice. i smiled and affirmed his identification. upon reaching the 'goodnight' part of the story, i recited 'goodnight cow jumping over the moon' and he then pointed to the cow on the page... shocked, i followed with 'goodnight bears, goodnight chairs' and he then touched the bears... thinking it a fluke, we did this four more times, with the same result each time and my heart nearly burst from my chest! i mean, yes, parents all find their children brilliant, but my pride spilleth over at the things he's been showing us. i learn right along with him, every day.

on the mobility front, we have some reluctance in our not-so-sure-footed boy. we both know our wee wren *can* stand and walk a bit on his own, but he's a bit insecure and hesitant to step out on his own save for a few steps or the one time i video taped him watching the dogs and standing on his own for nearly a minute before realizing he'd been doing it and promptly returning to a seated position on the floor. this lack of *i can do-it-myself* confidence has not stopped him, however, from running headlong into the dogs with his wagon-walker... poor pooches never see it coming (even when facing the approaching disaster head on...) as a little boy hurtles full speed into their legs, laughing hysterically every time and squealing with delight as the trip, slip, and scramble away.

with weather chilling and leaves taking home on the ground and not the branches of trees, halloween fast approaches and this year marks c's first halloween. being that it is his maiden voyage into the land of make-believe, door-to-door, tricks, treats, and sugar-induced comas, i wanted to make his costume by hand. sure, there were a million cute costumes for a child his age that would have sufficed. but, though they would have saved me weeks of online searching, plotting, planning, cutting, sewing, and cursing, i wanted something more than cookie cutter costumes. so, i brainstormed. what should he be? a robot? a fireman? a dog? a little lion? i couldn't decide. he'd be cute as anything, let's face it! then, one day, while picking through boxes in the garage, i came across a photograph of a barred owl my dad had framed for me many years ago. ***back story: volunteering at a bird sanctuary and handling barred owls as a young teen, i have a deep seated affinity for owls and other raptors*** then it hit me! of course he's going to be an owl. we have three little owls stenciled in the corner of his room, e and i have been collecting various owl things since we met; why wouldn't he be an owl!? so i researched different ways to make owl costumes and came up disappointed. it seemed to simple to sew feathers to a hoodie or onsie. i was disheartened by the lack of creativity in most of what i saw. they all were relatively the same and i do not do *same.* i soldiered on until i came across a photo of a little girl in a brightly colored and wildly contemporary owl cape... and i was hooked. i knew i did *not* want to make a similar cape, but that i wanted to make a cape. a realistic cape. a barred owl cape.

so began my journey into measuring, drawing out patterns, cutting (12 hours of cutting...) feathers in five different sizes and two different colors, laying all of the pieces out the way i wanted them to be sewn, and sewing 140-ish feathers onto the cape itself. i fashioned the hood like a hood on one of c's hooded sweatshirts, with the markings and eyes carefully planned to be as close to real as i could manage. a beak came into play very last, and a chest strap with button closure to hold it all in place. i spent a total of 19 hours working on this piece until completion and could not have been more pleased with the outcome. sure, i could have double sided and zigzag stitched all of the feathers.. you know, if i wanted to have it complete for *next* halloween, but i achieved exactly what i was hoping for in the final result. better still, my wee owl enjoys wearing it. he marched around today at his daddy's work for their halloween party, open to employees children, like the proudest little owl there ever was. which makes every minute of the work i did on his costume worth it. (the compliments on it didn't hurt my ego, either!)