lessons in lullaby

little c will reach three months old on friday and i find myself thinking that it is nearly impossible for this to be so. along with the smiling, cooing, holding rattles and other toys, tummy time routine, and sleeping in his crib, he is now trying to sit up on his own and nearly succeeding!

after staying with my parents on saturday night so that e and i could have some free time to ourselves (falling asleep on the couch together by 10:00!), we went to my nana's for a delicious dinner and to introduce caleb to his cousin dylan for the first time. dylan is six months old and i was shocked to find how big my child was next to this handsome little peanut! little c is not so little when standing next to his big cousin.. in fact, they are the same height! with only about three pounds difference in weight it seems that we are raising a very big three month old. it just goes to show that all babies grow and develop on their own schedule and it's just a mama's job to help give them what they need to do so.

i felt a little sad today as i finally took down my babe's bassinet. being that he hasn't used it in a month i thought it was time to take it apart and pack it away. as i unscrewed the parts and zip-tied them together for safe keeping it was just a reminder that children grow much faster than we expect or wish. i held on to the mothering desire to keep my child close as long as possible, only to learn that he sleeps best on his own. but getting to sleep is becoming an increasing battle royale! though, once asleep, my wee wren sleeps through the night.. he's decided lately to fight going to sleep like i am trying to force him to walk on broken glass! he's not hungry, not wet, not gassy, and not sick.. but boy oh boy can this child scream! he has started a habit of screaming and crying for an extended period of time before falling off to sleep. normally i nurse him to sleep, but it's become his little crutch and he's starting to only want to nurse himself to sleep. this is usually fine except that when he's full he doesn't want to nurse he wants to yell at me. and kick. and flail his arms. he fights falling asleep so hard that i am often bewildered by his reaction. i was told that i should try to let him "cry it out" in his crib but we don't have success with that, ever. the one night i really tried it not only did i feel physically ill, and though e kept telling me that he was fed, burped, changed, and safe.. he only got more and more upset and the crying and shrieking went on for almost an hour before i couldn't sit back anymore.

so ferberizing is going to be cast aside at this stage as i would rather develop a comfortable sleeping habit for him so that he enjoys falling asleep. so tonight i will employ a new method and see how it works. i would like to try putting him in his crib once the necessities have been taken care of and he's sleep-ready, and, if fussing begins, not taking him out but talking to him and trying to soothe him while he's in his crib. if this works, i think giving him the positive associations with being in his crib will help him fall asleep more easily instead of wanting me to nurse or rock him to sleep. the mobile has been wonderful, but even that is not able to keep him happy enough to fall asleep all of the time. i think this will just have to be a trial and error experience where we teach each other what works best. i don't want to be a parent that let's my child call all of the shots, but sometimes you have to learn from each other so you can find the best possible solution.