waiting in the wings

today i had an appointment with my doctor, hoping for great news. unfortunately that news didn't come. tomorrow is my due date and i have only progressed to 1cm dilated and my little wren's head is still high. the only option right now is to keep walking and try to let gravity help. we have an appointment next tuesday to have a non-stress test and then another check up to see how things are going and what our next step will be if he decides to stay nestled up much longer. i did manage to make an appointment to meet our pediatrician tuesday as well because it occurred to me that we will very soon have need for one! though i am feeling quite impatient, it's so exciting to know that any day now we could be welcoming our baby boy into the world and our lives. what a beautiful thing.

for the finale

as the fall air grows colder and the leaves have almost all left the trees and found a final resting place on the ground, i find myself anxiously chomping at the bit to have my son here with us. the sunshine through the bedroom windows warms the blankets on the bed as our fluffy black cat suns himself. this scene lends the insides of our home a cozy feeling as it shelters what's within from the nip in the air that's without. three more days until wee wren's due date and i cannot help but feel minutely dismayed at the fact that i feel no closer to labor. every morning e asks me how i'm feeling and if i think i'll go into labor soon and i hate to admit, each time, that i do not feel any closer. i can only hope my sweet babe will not keep us waiting too long to meet him. we are ready and we are calling 'olly olly all come free!'

spread your wings

five days. that's all that are left in our countdown to little wren's due date. we are prepared for the 'any day now' arrival and hoping he doesn't keep us waiting, but there's a bigger possibility he will wait to spread his wings and join us. thankfully i've begun readjusting to sleepless body & mind and most night's i'm able to get five hours of sleep. this morning, though, i found that i could not get back to sleep after my dear cat woke me up to be let out into the garage. so at 5:00am i lay awake thinking my usual wide-awake thoughts of baby, life, and the approaching labor. finally, at 7:00 i dragged myself into e's lair (his takeover of the spare room can only be described as such, trust me) and crawled drowsily into bed next to him. curling up against his back, even without the covers over me, as they were tightly wrapped around him, was so warm. i immediately fell asleep against him. it's remarkable that after months of not being able to get comfortable or sleep next to him, that my most peaceful slumber lately is in the wee hours of the morning when he crawls into bed next to me before he gets up to ready himself for work. this morning when he woke, he rolled over, covered me in the blankets, wrapped his arms around me and back to sleep we went. it was nice to have a later start than usual today. those little moments take me back to when we first started our relationship. i can't wait to bring our little wren into our world and share in these small cozy moments, too.

a forward past

i think of the past, which is not far out of my rear-view mirror, and realize how far we've traveled together. here, two years into our relationship and we're now just two weeks away from the biggest thrill we could want: parenthood. i could not be more blessed.

sleepless in seaside towns

with 16 days remaining before our due date, i am finding that i have not acquired my final burst of nesting energy everyone keeps mentioning to me. truthfully, i have found i have less energy and a strong desire to sleep my days away. the pitfall to this, however, is that with the desire to sleep comes the brain racing desire to check off my 'before baby arrives' list. though falling asleep is initially not a problem, i find that waking every few hours to run to the bathroom is then followed by a few hours of lying awake, no matter how exhausted, thinking of things left undone and even more of how life will be with our little wren in it. it's the excitement that's been drawing me from my REM cycles to wonder about our little boy. what will he look like? how will he sleep? will he be insistently active or contently mellow? will life completely be upended or will we be able to maintain our flow? what kind of person will he grow up to be and how will we encourage his development?

i think many parents spend time thinking these thoughts and indirectly asking these questions of their children. i don't feel alone in this. i merely feel tired. overpowering any other feeling i could be experiencing is the want of sleep and lack thereof. even naps are short lived or mythical notions. the only options i have left are to accept this as my body's preparation for nightly feedings and fussings and to rest as often as is possible with or without a proper round of REM sleep. so here's to a day spent on our deliciously comfy new couch, indulging in quiet moments of rest and contentment.

in motion

in simpler times of bodily form, my biggest complaints were about small love handles and a few extra pounds. in this time of cohabitation, my body has other complaints to make. we have reached our 37 weeks of this gestation and my wee wren is now considered full term by medical means. but my assumption is that he will continue to share my body for the remaining few weeks and grow a bit more. though our last doctor's appointment revealed that our boy is a teensy 5lbs, 7oz and only in the 30th growth percentile, he's still developing very well. despite his small stature (with parents as small as we, what else is to be expected?), he's been practicing some pretty enormous kicks and shoves. today has been a day full of activity, and, as he's maxed out his amniotic fluids as well as room in my belly, my stomach has resembled something quite alive! watching/feeling him jump around is a proud moment in the sun, only shadowed slightly by the fact that these movements are growing increasingly uncomfortable and at times.. painful! i had claimed to 'be accustomed to' all of the movement, but now it's taken on a life of it's own. and, though it often makes me stop to catch my breath, i must smile at his zeal and vigor while reminding myself that these are the final days. only too soon will he make his entry into the world and i will hold his sweet little form against rather than inside of me. i excitedly await this day with nothing short of a mother's love.

chili combats chilly

today is one of those perfectly executed fall days. complete with sunshine, blue skies, a cool breeze, and falling leaves. i decided today was a day to combat the crisp autumn chill in the air with my favorite chili recipe (as my mom calls it: 'chili chummy!'). as it slowly simmers in our slow cooker, i am taking the time to wash a few more baby items and loving the smell of 'dreft' laundry detergent. the dishes are done and the kitchen is clean but there still seems to be so many things left undone. with our baby clock counting down, this momma wren needs to step up the feathering of this nest!