pregnant pause

taking a moment to reflect on the past eight months, i am only able to admire how far we've come in feathering our little nest as well as feathering our hearts, minds, and our relationship. i can't say that things have come effortlessly, but i can say they have all been so worthwhile. in ways of hormones, i have hardly been a treat on those occasions in which i've succumbed to ill-placed words of blame (poor e has been the brunt of my outbursts). for the majority of these pregnant days i feel i've done moderately well in controlling my irrational emotional bubblings-- excusing the few minutes spent in tears over the cruel fact that none of my shoes fit anymore due to swollen footsies. e has been understanding most days and has only forgotten a few times that i am not in fact emotionally unpredictable by choice. i am lucky to have his support and love at these crucial moments of nutty neurosis as i'm caught doing 18 loads of laundry in a day, folding the baby's clothes for the fifth time, and hand-washing all of his toys with mild soap and warm water.

the other morning our crib showed up and i just about jumped out of my skin waiting to have e put it together. now that it's taken it's proper place in the nursery, i spend so many free moments in the day standing over it daydreaming. this morning we spent an hour in bed talking about how much we wished our sweet babe was dozing next to us in his bassinet and realizing that we haven't much more time to go before this becomes our reality. later i sat contently in the rocking chair my parents bought us and held a tiny pair of shoes to my belly while trying to imagine our little wren wearing them. a feeling surges up inside of me now and i can only describe it as a supreme need to hold my son in my arms. the need to touch and smell him. as the weeks are turning quickly into our final countdown i am overwhelmed with the reality of my changing world.

i managed to pull out the brand new sewing machine i received for christmas last year and finally removed it from it's box. i have never used a sewing machine, nor have i ever sewn anything well by hand but i wanted to give this a shot at last. after many test pieces and failures, i completed my first sewing project: a felted dove. the sense of accomplishment was empowering and i can only anticipate making toys and clothing for little wren (once i've had much more practice). then there's the image of sitting in our living room, which is now nearing it's makeover completion, folding laundry while our sweet lamb dozes in his swing. soft crooning from our record player and the collection of vinyl e has been fastidiously acquiring this summer. i look forward to christmas in this room with our small but charming tree twinkling by the window filled with trinkets and tidbits to show how much love we have for our little family. despite brief moments of nervous pre-parenthood jitters, i feel so ready for this.