pssst! be thankful, mama

let's just cut to the chase-- i'm tired today. i have been up since 3 this morning and it's certainly not how i wanted to start my day. beaz decided he was going to fight bedtime until 9:30 last night, then decided at 3 this morning that he was just done sleeping all together. i did everything i could, tried every approach both stern and sweet, used every bargaining tool, flat out exploited every bribing tactic i could think of to get him (and myself) back to sleep, but no sleep was granted.

finally at 6:00 i gave up and we officially "got up" for the day. beaz played in the living room with the curtains drawn against the unlit sky, and i eventually shuffled to the kitchen for a much needed caffeine fix. as my one cup finished brewing, and i was stirring in my two scoops of sugar and my creamer, i glanced up at what seemed like a change in light outside the kitchen window. i gasped out loud and literally ran like a clumsy child into the living room, hollering "BEAZ! IT'S SNOWING! LOOK!" i drew back the curtains and he exclaimed in mimicking amazement, "WOW! I LOVE SNOW!"

and that's when that little voice inside my heart whispered "be thankful."

yes, yes, i replied. it is that time of year to remember to be so. but that pesky little reminding voice is always right. because in the moment that the beautiful snow started to fall in great flakes and collect on everything around us, my child mirrored my love of snow for this season, and i was ever so thankful for it.

so let's forget the sleepless night; the kind of night that brings me to tears from shear exhaustion. let's forget whatever made me murmur those un-mother-like curse words under my breath as i got up for the 26th time to try to get my child to sleep just ONE hour.  let's just remember this. this absolutely unexpected moment of beauty on this very tired morning. and let's always find some reason to be thankful. (and let's always have coffee in hand to aid us in the fight against sleepless zombies.)

from the ashes

i'd like to say, first, that i really do feel like this has been a rotten year. the collective total of absolute awful that's accumulated this year is outrageous and i am personally ready for a new year and some fresh perspective.

that being said, i'd like to tack 'house fire' on that list of 'awful.'

we really kicked off last week in style when we set fire to our kitchen monday morning. it all began with a pan of oil started for homefries and ended with our kitchen wall up in flames. i won't go into details here, as it's pretty embarrassing how both e and i managed to kind of tag team this disaster. needless to say, we all made it out safely and e was our legitimate superhero when he put the flames out with a bag of flour before the three fire trucks showed up to help us. c was so excited about the firemen and trucks, but exclaimed 'oh nooo, my pancakes got BURNED!?' when i explained what was happening. that freaking sweet kid. oh, to be two-going-on-three. there's so little to worry about in the world.

now we're in the middle of cleaning up the fire damage in the kitchen. above is just some of it. the smoke and soot really covered everything. we've been living on takeout and crockpot meals while we wait for the insurance check to cover a new stove, hood, wiring, walls, and cabinets on the one damaged wall of our kitchen. our cabinets are bare as they've been emptied and will need serious scrubbing and painting. our dishes are piled on the counters. our cupboard food is in plastic tubs on the floor. my recipes are all for the crockpot. and we are moving on.

i have been so overwhelmed for the past 3-4 weeks. really overwhelmed. i catch myself taking huge inhales and sighing a lot lately. like, a lot. there's been a lot to be upset about. and when i catch myself dwelling on it, i have to just stop me in my tracks. i really do have a lot to be thankful for. like, a lot.

so you won't find me hosting pity parties here. i don't have time for that. onward and upward, as it goes. the fire, as awful as it was, is a chance for a fresh start. building a whole new outlook. a whole new kitchen. a whole new start for our house.

i like to center my emotions around our home. it sounds bizarre, but i really feel that the home is where everything starts and ends. because inside of our home is everything to do with us as a family, as both individual people and as a collective whole. we start our days here. we breathe, eat, play, learn, mess, clean, laugh, cry, yell here. we end our days here. so my emotions are really heavily tied in our home. when it's not at it's best, neither am i. the scorched wall of our kitchen has really taught me a lot about how i feel about our home. i have a lot of hope for this place.  and the wall is just the beginning. i can see it's potential. and it's frustrating at times that it's going to take patience and time to make our home really look like us. to feel right. but it's just a process of growth. i look forward to the changes to come.

after a forest fire, trees can grow from the ashes. so, from a kitchen fire, a home can grow from the ashes, too. clean, fresh, new. i am using our kitchen remodel as the jumping off point for the rest of the home's remodeling needs. it's going to be great, i can feel it. and i think it will begin to boost my spirits as well. i'm kind of counting on it.