a b c's

 i have a feeling i am running out of time during my wee wren's nap to write this, but i am boldly giving it a shot. he's been swinging in his owl swing for about two hours, waking briefly every so often to fuss and crash into sleep again, so now is my chance.

watching a child grow, my child grow, has been nothing short of phenomenal. i have all but forgotten just how small he was a mere six weeks ago as he is now around eleven pounds and over twenty-two inches long. he has been outgrowing clothes with rapid speed and i am struggling to keep up with this race to grow up! we have put aside the newborn clothes and are now beginning to weed out the 0-3 month outfits that his long legs are casting aside far too quickly. last night i, somewhat sadly, began packing away the wee jammies and teensy sockies that once fit my sweet boy's feet. it's been a sprint to the next sizes and he's leaving them behind without more than a passing glance. i have already begun to use some of the 3-6 month sizes! thankfully, we are overloaded with outfits in this size, but i fear he will hardly wear most of them before i will be packing those away, too, and breaking into the 6 month and up sizes. it's simply remarkable how short the stretch of time was where i thought he would never grow into some of these clothes and now those clothes have been worn once and never again will he be able. simply remarkable, indeed.

today i watched a video we took of him almost a month ago, and i was in awe of just how tiny he was. now he has begun to coo more readily, he's all smiles at times, and he's even starting to learn what his wee hands are for. weeks ago i hung a small lion toy above his pack n' play bassinet bed. just a stuffed little lion on a ribbon that jingles a bit when it's been jostled about. darling little c has learned, after many times of hitting it without true intention, that this lion makes noises and swings about with a smack from his little hands. now he stares intently at it and throws his hand in it's direction with true intent, almost amazed when it jingles and lurches away from him upon contact. then, with what can only be described as satisfaction, he coos and grunts at his little lion friend as if to say 'you are fun, do it again!' if this is just the beginning of the pride a mother feels over her child's discovery, then i am in for a tremendously wonderful ride.

firsts

 little c's first christmas could not have been more incredible. sleeping on the ride up to my grandparents' house, he was wide awake and happy upon arrival. we no more than stepped through the door before he was swept away by his great aunts and cousins, not to come back to my arms for two hours! he received many sweet and thoughtful gifts, and greeted everyone who held him with smiles and coos. only after deciding he was hungry did he begin his squirming dance and i took him into the bedroom to steal a quiet moment and feed him. once fed and happy, back in the arms of my family he went. i could not have been more impressed with how mellow he was and how easily he moved from arms to arms without a peep. after being spoiled at his great grammy and great grampy's, we packed are huge haul into the back of the truck and jetted up the road to his grammy and grampy's for more presents and fun. again, he happily sat with my mom and dad without more than a few coos and squeaks before leaving grampy with a lap-full of poopy diaper. e took him in the bedroom to change him and behold! a major blowout! i had originally had him in a sweet striped sweater one piece with an elfie-style hood.. which was discarded and swapped for our back-up pj's. my nana & grampy jim arrived a little later and the present opening began again. by this point, both e & c were christmas'd out, dozing quietly in the corner chair of my parents' warm living room. once the gifts were exchanged and gushed over (yes, much gushing was to happen the whole day through), we all gathered around the dinner table to enjoy prime rib, mashed potatoes, rolls, corn and peas with a desert of gingerbread. once we ate our fill, we bid adieu to my family and made the drowsy trip home where e entertained friends and i fell fast asleep.

the next morning we traveled a shorter distance to e's parents' house where we met up with his sister j, brother-in-law a, and niece little bits. this would be the first time they (other than auntie j, who was at the hospital for c's birth) would be meeting! little bits was meeting her cousin 'kay-bet' for the first time and i could not have grinned more at her excitement over the baby. it was so wonderful to see them, and we gathered around pop in the living room while he handed out many goodies to spoil us all yet again. after i fed little c, and little bits took a spin in her sled in the winter snow, we got a great brunch time treat of breakfast sandwiches that anyone would be jealous over. with a winter blizzard brewing, we had to sadly say our goodbyes to auntie j, uncle a, and cousin little bits as they made the long journey home to beat the snow. shortly after, we, too, trekked the short drive home where we finally unloaded all of our christmas loot and i began the task of sorting it and putting it in proper places.

today we woke to the promised blizzard and the wall of snow in our driveway. e's work did not open until late, so he woke me with a delicious breakfast that we enjoyed in bed with our wee wren dozing between us. now it's back to business as usual as i sort through the laundry, new baby clothes, new towels and bedding, and decide where the remainder of our christmas lovelies will live. when i look at all we came home with, i cannot help but send out waves of great thanks for our loving families and friends. we were not able to treat everyone to as much as we would have liked to this year, but next year we are going to try to make up for a tight 2010.

not a creature was stirring

 at 2:45 this morning little c started to stir in his bassinet. waking up for his night feeding, i lifted him to my bed and drowsily fed him. while he ate it dawned on me that it is now officially his first christmas day. once he finished sleeping i pulled him close and rose from the bed to place him softly back into his bassinet. i couldn't resist leaning over and placing my lips to his chubby sweet cheek and whispering 'merry first christmas, baby. so many more to come.'

christmas eve love

here we are, christmas eve, and all of the presents are finally under the tree. the baby is fed and happily dozing in his swing and e and i are sitting cozily by the lights of our christmas tree. tomorrow is a day i have anticipated since i found out that i would be expecting a little one in time for it. though our little wren will not remember this day in 2010, it will forever be ingrained in my memory as one of the greats. sharing this day (because the magic of this holiday is always alive for me) with our son is something so wonderful it has me bursting with love. we may not have been able to buy much for gifts, but what we have in family and love is so much greater than the paper dollar could buy.
i have a few cozy cute outfits set aside to try on baby tomorrow, as i cannot decide which to put him in, and i am counting the hours before we are together with family to share in this joy. we will be able to sleep in a bit in the morning before having to leave first to travel to dedham to my grandparents' and the traditional 'coleman family christmas.' my mom's side (my mom has five siblings) will have both rooms of my grandparents' packed full with all 30+ of us. the tree is usually packed so full that half of the living room is gifts, while people are piled on the furniture, stairs, and children on the floor. my grammy will take her post in the center of the room in front of the gift pile and begin to call out and pass out, or sometimes throw out, gifts. it's loud and chaotic and wonderfully common practice. i am glad that c will be a part of this and next year will be old enough to partake in and enjoy it. after that it's up the hill toward the mountain to my parents' house for gifts around their tree. my mom and dad instilled the spirit of this holiday in me and my brother and every year my mom comes alive with infectious cheer and excitement. i always feel that my parents do too much, but stopping them from buying gifts would really only put a damper on their mood, i think. i can't imagine my mom or my dad wanting to cut back because, as much as my brother and i love the thoughtfulness in every gift we receive, my parents (mom especially) are always excited to give the gifts and see them opened and loved. this year they had a grandson to buy for, and i know it only amplified the spirit and joy of gift giving for them. their generosity never goes unnoticed and i always try to put equal thought into all of my gifts as well. tradition would have it that we do not do gift cards or money, but buy each recipient something that we took great care in picking out or making specially for them. after the gifts are exchanged and opened, gushed over and enjoyed, my nana and grampy jim will arrive to do their gifts with us as well. taking turns and telling stories, we'll sit once more around the tree while christmas music lulls in the antique radio in my parents' living room, perhaps it will be cold enough to light a fire in the cast iron wood stove. after gifts are once again exchanged, opened, and loved, we will be expecting e's parents to arrive in time for dinner. this is something new and lovely to share in. my parents will have been preparing a prime rib all day and my mom will be ready to pull it from the over upon their arrival. a simple but tasty feast with loving family, full of warmth and laughter. what more could we want out of this day?
once we are home and drowsily making our way to bed, i know we will be filled with love, joy, and thanks for the wonderful people in our lives and the newest addition to our family.

one magic month

 my baby is, dare i say it? ...one month old!

saturday marked the day our sweet child turned a full month old and i cannot even begin to calculate where the time went. saturday night little c and i stayed with my parents while we gave e the run of the house to entertain his friends who were visiting from out of state for christmas. we had a wonderful time with c's grammy and grampy and the following day he spent a few hours with his nana and grandpa while e and i got a few things done around the house.
today we had his one month check up at the doctor's and he weighs 10lbs, 9oz. and he's 22.25 inches long. amazing that my once 7lb, 15oz & 20.25 inch newborn has grown this month. but the measurements are not the only growth we've been tracking. our wee wren is now holding his head up and looking around with tremendous strength and smiling and cooing back at us. every day i find myself in awe of this little wonder and all of the things he does. i never thought i would be one to gush non-stop about her child, but i find i cannot help it. though i still love the things i always have, i find my love for my sweet baby wren surpasses all!

you are my sunshine

little c is nearly one month old. saturday will mark this occasion and i cannot understand where the time went! i still feel that it was yesterday that we arrived home from the hospital, and yet three and a half weeks have already come to pass. he's been growing like the magic bean stock that young jack once climbed and beginning to interact even more than before. he's holding his head up for longer periods of time, tracking our movements and voices. he's almost cooing and he's begun to smile in his sleep as well as when we talk to him/smile at him. it amazes me to no end the amount of love and joy i feel for my little boy. sometimes, when he's being particularly cute, i get that 'petting the kitty too hard' urge and want to squish him so close to me and never let him go.

right now, as i watch him sleeping in his little bugs bouncer, i am in awe of just how perfect he is and how miraculous it is that he was once growing within me. nothing could ever top the feeling of being a mother. it's purely magical.

mild mornings

i've begun to take small moments for myself at very odd hours now. my 'me time' usually happens at 4:00 a.m. after i've fed little wren and put him back to bed. being that i am breastfeeding, i usually do a follow up with my breast pump to get a last let down and try to increase my milk production. so while i'm sitting either on the couch or in bed (this usually depends on where e is sleeping as he's been on the couch lately) and pumping i take a quiet moment for myself to reflect. i don't know how to meditate, though e does and has tried to teach me, but just reflecting on the day and leaving myself emptied out, calm, and refreshed has proved helpful. this morning i few my wee wren and cuddled in bed with both of my boys before getting up to come downstairs for a little mommy time. now they are both snoozing upstairs and i have managed to do a few of my usual morning things.

yesterday my momma came to visit and spend time with little c and we watched a movie cuddled up on the couch. it was relaxing up until she left.. and then everything seemed to unravel. by the time e arrived home i was all undone. thankfully, my wonderful dude has a patient way of talking me down from the dizzying heights of ledge built by frustration and loving me enough to step up when i'm stressed out and help with whatever i may need. i am guilty of trying to saddle myself with everything i want to be able to handle and waiting until the last possible moment to admit my back is breaking under the weight. e knows this all too well and has an uncanny way of pinning me down and helping me work it out. last night he did just that, as well as went to the store to buy ingredients for one of his marvelous dinner creations (no one cooks like this man) and also a treat of hot raspberry cocoa. i am so lucky and grateful for him and for the life we've built together. i cannot imagine being a parent all on my own. just having him help me unwind even after he's worked his ass off all day allows me to enjoy each moment i spend with him and with our son.

cozy christmas

today c and i indulged in the sultry sounds of bing crosby, perry como, and the andrews sisters christmas compilation while i decorated our tree. i love this tradition now that it's become my own for my own family. as a child, my father used to put on christmas music and put the multi-colored lights on our tree with expert finesse that only comes from years of practice and patience. once the lights were on the tree, it was then up to my brother and me to put on all of our many cherished decorations. now that i am on my own, my mother bestowed upon me a small box full of some of these ornaments that once graced our childhood trees. so today i took pride in placing each and every little item on the tree. the glass light bulb covers in the shapes of santas, teddy bears, and angels, the icicle light covers, and the teddy bear covers that i know my mom had loved as she used to collect bears. then came the white-painted pine cones my father had collected and painted himself to hide the bald spots in our charlie brown christmas trees. and the ornaments. oh the ornaments. i only have a few of the vast collection i truly own, having left most of them behind with my parents, but the ones i have are full of sweet memories. little wren is even beginning a collection of his own, as five of the many on the tree are his already.

tonight we shall sit in front of the tree and admire it's beauty and the warmth it fills me with to share it with my son. i hope he will grow to love this holiday season as much as i do and always be filled with the childlike wonder it instills in us.

boy, oh my boys.

i am finding myself more in love every day with my little wren. baby c, even at his most frustrating, is such a wonder. he's learned to take a bottle and he even holds his pucky (pacifier) in the few cases that we allow him to comfort himself with it. we have tried to keep his exposure limited on the bottle and pucky but he's taken care of this for us as he prefers the real deal over rubber imitation. he's lifting his head up for long periods of time and, with our assistance, he loves to sit up and look around. he responds to our voices and focuses on whatever is in his focal range at this time. it just makes a mother burst with gloating pride, though bragging about it seems rather foolish as what parent doesn't feel this way about their own child? we all think our little ones are miraculous no matter what they do.

now, i admit rather sheepishly that i had originally thought i wanted a little girl. when i first found out i was pregnant i was convinced it was a girl. in my mind i felt that having a girl would be the easiest for me because i would have my womanly knowledge to impart on her. i feared that i would have nothing to offer a little boy and that he would souly be his father's child. when i found out we were having a boy, though, i was just as happy. and i quickly learned, even while pregnant, that my initial fears were absolutely foolish. i am loving having a little boy. i read to him, sing to him, dance with him, bathe him, and snuggle him like there will never be a tomorrow. breastfeeding him is a bond that only he and i share, and i have no further trepidations about him only being daddy's boy. for now, at least, he's my darling boy all day long. then when e get's home from work and settled in for the night, i hand c over to him and they have their own kind of bonding time while i catch up on a few chores and some brief mommy-time.

i love all of my boys: e, c, uzi & dozer. even with miss isa & i outnumbered in our ladyhood, i don't mind at all. c is terrific most all of the time, while e and i are closer now than we have been in months. this is thanks largely in part to my feeling better about myself. not carrying around a watermelon-sized mound on my front and finding my feet fitting comfortably back into my old shoes does wonders for this mother wren's spirits. i no longer need the 8 pillows i was sleeping with and enjoy having e in bed next to me again for those cold nights where his body heat fends off the chill while i snuggle close against him.

i have said it before, and now i say it again... i am so very lucky.

king of clean

one of my favorite things now is to give little c a bath in his little tub. he hated his baths before when i was having to sponge him down, but now he really loves sitting in the warm water. today, after he managed to pee all over himself during a diaper change (thankfully those occasions are fewer now), i filled his little tub and plunked him in it while washing him down. he is so calm and relaxed after and smells so baby-sweet that i love to scoop him up in a big towel and snuggle him close. these moments won't last forever, so i'm cherishing it while he'll allow me to. before long, i'm sure even a momma's kisses will be embarrassing.

over the river and through the woods

this morning we decided to test drive little c's grandparents. we were going to try to go to the indoor flea market and thought maybe letting e's parents have him for a few hours might be a good trial for future outings. i got him fed, changed, dressed, and packed and e took him to nana & grandpa's. in the mean time i was able to have a cup of coffee, shower, get dressed, and decide on breakfast instead of the flea market. we were able to go out to the diner together and surprisingly i was not too concerned about our wee wren who was in safe and loving hands. we have only just begun to introduce a bottle one feeding a day, so packing up a bottle and his bouncer was a little strange feeling to me. a small fleeting moment of emptiness knowing i would not be breastfeeding him his late morning meal.

he slept for nana & grandpa the whole time and was only just getting up for a feeding when we arrived to whisk him back home. it was nice to have a few hours time to myself, as those moments are fleeting right now. however, i did miss my sweet munchkin and was happy to have him back in my arms at home by noon!

like weeds do

our little c is going through his first growth spurt. not only is our 8+lb baby boy growing bigger, he's eating bigger! every hour (sometimes every half) he is insisting that he is starving. at first i was thinking perhaps he was only wanting to suck on something to soothe himself. i finally broke down the other night and thawed out some frozen breast milk to try a bottle, just to see how much he might actually eat. after four ounces i realized he wasn't kidding! he was in fact hungry. he's having a hard time sleeping at night now, which means that i am up with him, too. last night i decided that i would sleep in our spare room so that i could feed him on demand and keep him in the bed with me. this worked out pretty well and i found that i did not mind so much because it was so nice to fall asleep next to my happy babe after every feeding. though i am very tired this morning, it's not stressful enough to be upset about. i just remind myself that he will go through these spurts and then they will be over until the next one. there's always a sunny place in the shadowed moments.

i have found myself very annoyed with the negative blaspheming of some already 'experienced' parents that want nothing more than to tell us things to make us feel disconcerted. the 'your life will never be your own again' s and the 'forget about sleeping' s and the 'you're in for the roughest ride of your life' s are just frustrating. if parenthood has not left you with a feeling of being blessed, then don't share that with me. i do not wish to take part in your downer-debbie mentality. sure, things are bound to get stressful and we will not always feel so sunny about parenthood, but why must people look at things like that's all there is? even in the rough moments there's always a better one around the corner. that's true of life, so why can't it be true of having children? e and i have been working on keeping a positive outlook on being parents. even when little wren is having a meltdown and we are standing there scratching our heads as to what he needs, we stay positive.

he's our baby. he'll always be our baby. and i do not wish to ever give a new parent the downer-debbie input that we've been given. all i can say to those new parents, like us, is that these past few weeks we've loved. even in our moments of exhaustion, it's always worth it to see our darling boy open his eyes, raise his eyebrows, make that inquisitive 'o' with his mouth, and look around while lifting his head from our shoulders.

who has the button?

last night when i was changing little c, i noticed something was missing... his umbilical cord stub! we now have a sweet little innie belly button in the middle of a growing belly. i've been waiting for this to happen because my dearest boy hates a sponge bath but loves having his hair washed. i think he will enjoy sitting in a warm bath where i don't have to unwrap/rewrap his little body parts as i wash each one.