Tuesday, January 15, 2013

spirit of the night

I admit that I have had it pretty soft and cushy in the sleep department over the past two years with little c. He has always been a fantastic sleeper and I have always felt blessed with the gift of rest, save for the  late night breast feeding in the first year. But year two. Ohhhh year two snuck up on me and bit me square in my yoga pants.

Beaz has decided he no longer needs to sleep at night. Not only does he turn his bedroom light on every time we leave the room but he gets up to play, he screams all night long for me, and he smiles whenever we sternly tell him that it's bedtime at 3:30 in the morning, not time to be up playing. I thought we had it conquered the past two nights, but alas, last night at 2:00 he was knocking on his door and his smiling little face peered up at me as I opened that door to ask why he was up. He tells me, recently, the light has to be on because of the monsters. And yet, I am always surprised that he doesn't cry about these figments of his imagination. He just gets up, puts the light on, and sits in his bed with his Spider-Man action figure and his Chewbacca stuffed animal. Even with his moon and star projector on, he insists on his light being on. I have tried to explain imagination, tried to flush out the idea of monsters, tried to tell him Spider-Man and Chewy will protect him, that mom and dad are always here... But last night none of these things got him off to dreamland. Last night he played in his room for hours until E finally swept him downstairs to sleep snuggled on the couch with him. And there they are right now, on opposite ends, passed out in similar fashion. Today was to be his first trial day of daycare and we had to reschedule it for Thursday. I couldn't stomach sending him overtired to such a new and possibly overwhelming experience. Plus, I think part of me just needed one more day at home with him before I send him to brave socialization and new friends. Though it is a very important step for him, I cannot imagine what I will do with one day off a week. I have been Mom every day and cook every weekend for over a year.. Now to have one day a week with Beaz off making new friends and learning good social behavior, what will I do? Something. I will do something awesome.

But back to my night spirit who is so frustratingly stubborn. I am now thinking I need a lamp on in his room. Not the overhead light that must singe his retinas, but a soft light, significant enough to provide comfort and protection from his monsters and dinosaurs and what-have-yous. Though, I have to say, the stubborn thing kind of makes me proud. I am stubborn as the day is long and it's only fair that my child be, too. But  in that stubborn little body lies the sweetest, most thoughtful, most kind and generous boy I have ever met. I am neverendingly surprised by the depth of his feelings, the stretches of his kindness, and his desire to just be accepted byband to accept those around him. Even at two years old I see this in him. I know, it sounds like projecting, but it is all there. The beautiful things a child can bring to light that we don't always see in every day life or in every person. They can find something in almost everyone that's worth liking, especially the things that make a person different. Sure, there are plenty of tantrums and arguments to go along with the hugs and kisses and silly stories, but it is just a part of the bigger picture that makes up one fantastic kid. My fantastic kid. Your fantastic kid. Your friend's fantastic kid. Your sister or brother's fantastic kid. All fantastic kids.  Built differently, thinking differently, loving differently, but still all primarily the same awesome bundles that we help sculpt into something great.

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