a forward past

i think of the past, which is not far out of my rear-view mirror, and realize how far we've traveled together. here, two years into our relationship and we're now just two weeks away from the biggest thrill we could want: parenthood. i could not be more blessed.

sleepless in seaside towns

with 16 days remaining before our due date, i am finding that i have not acquired my final burst of nesting energy everyone keeps mentioning to me. truthfully, i have found i have less energy and a strong desire to sleep my days away. the pitfall to this, however, is that with the desire to sleep comes the brain racing desire to check off my 'before baby arrives' list. though falling asleep is initially not a problem, i find that waking every few hours to run to the bathroom is then followed by a few hours of lying awake, no matter how exhausted, thinking of things left undone and even more of how life will be with our little wren in it. it's the excitement that's been drawing me from my REM cycles to wonder about our little boy. what will he look like? how will he sleep? will he be insistently active or contently mellow? will life completely be upended or will we be able to maintain our flow? what kind of person will he grow up to be and how will we encourage his development?

i think many parents spend time thinking these thoughts and indirectly asking these questions of their children. i don't feel alone in this. i merely feel tired. overpowering any other feeling i could be experiencing is the want of sleep and lack thereof. even naps are short lived or mythical notions. the only options i have left are to accept this as my body's preparation for nightly feedings and fussings and to rest as often as is possible with or without a proper round of REM sleep. so here's to a day spent on our deliciously comfy new couch, indulging in quiet moments of rest and contentment.

in motion

in simpler times of bodily form, my biggest complaints were about small love handles and a few extra pounds. in this time of cohabitation, my body has other complaints to make. we have reached our 37 weeks of this gestation and my wee wren is now considered full term by medical means. but my assumption is that he will continue to share my body for the remaining few weeks and grow a bit more. though our last doctor's appointment revealed that our boy is a teensy 5lbs, 7oz and only in the 30th growth percentile, he's still developing very well. despite his small stature (with parents as small as we, what else is to be expected?), he's been practicing some pretty enormous kicks and shoves. today has been a day full of activity, and, as he's maxed out his amniotic fluids as well as room in my belly, my stomach has resembled something quite alive! watching/feeling him jump around is a proud moment in the sun, only shadowed slightly by the fact that these movements are growing increasingly uncomfortable and at times.. painful! i had claimed to 'be accustomed to' all of the movement, but now it's taken on a life of it's own. and, though it often makes me stop to catch my breath, i must smile at his zeal and vigor while reminding myself that these are the final days. only too soon will he make his entry into the world and i will hold his sweet little form against rather than inside of me. i excitedly await this day with nothing short of a mother's love.

chili combats chilly

today is one of those perfectly executed fall days. complete with sunshine, blue skies, a cool breeze, and falling leaves. i decided today was a day to combat the crisp autumn chill in the air with my favorite chili recipe (as my mom calls it: 'chili chummy!'). as it slowly simmers in our slow cooker, i am taking the time to wash a few more baby items and loving the smell of 'dreft' laundry detergent. the dishes are done and the kitchen is clean but there still seems to be so many things left undone. with our baby clock counting down, this momma wren needs to step up the feathering of this nest!

fall feasties

today was a blustery fall day in our cozy little ocean town and i felt compelled to start in on my fall baking. deciding to start out with my favorite recipe for this season, my mom's pumpkin chip cookies, i set about my afternoon in the kitchen. once the cookies were complete and resting on their cooling racks, i began my next task in fall inspired tasties: apple crisp. my kitchen now smells of pumpkin spices and hearty apple warmth. i am wishing i had a few more supplies to bake a few pies and muffins now and will be trekking to the grocery store for those needed items to begin the next leg of this baking journey.

obsessive organizing

last night i spent at least an hour refolding all of our wee wren's clothes, washing the interior and exterior of his bureau, filling cloth bags with laundry-scented tarts, and organizing outfits by size and use. i am sure that my nesting addiction will have me rearranging it once, twice, three times more before he arrives in my arms. the day before i spent a few hours, after e had moved the remaining furniture into his room, placing his things on the shelves and bureau, moving his toys around, and sitting in the rocking chair admiring the warm and cozy little nook. his tiny nursery is looking so lovely that i cannot wait to have him in it. in anticipatory imagination, i find myself switching on his mobile to listen to it's soft music and stare into his crib.

yesterday my love and i tackled the task of bedroom rearranging and i am pleased with the outcome. moving the overlarge bookcase into the big spare room, loading it full of our books, and hauling our bureaus back into our bedroom, swapping out the location of a small stand, and placing small decorative items back in their rightful places made the upstairs begin to feel homey and snuggly. i even took it upon myself to set up our new bassinet which arrived a few days ago. not that i don't love my family heirloom bassinet, but after the fifth time of having the legs not lock correctly and one side or another collapse to the floor.. i felt i could not, in good conscience, allow my baby to sleep in something so unstable. worrying first time mother syndrome? perhaps. necessary and well-worth-it purchase? absolutely. i admit i love the look of my old bassinet more than the one we purchased, but will take safety over visual appeal any day. the heirloom bassy will live in the nursery filled with stuffed animals and blankets which cannot be injured by falling to the floor.

a b c's

showered in love

last weekend i was graced with two baby showers and the many blessings that come with a loving family. saturday we stuffed our bellies at a cookout momma gail and pop pop threw at their home equipped with gail's sister's, close family friends, sister j and little emma, and even my parents! the day was sunny and warm, the food was delicious and homemade, and tiny loving trinkets were gifted to little wren's anxiously awaited arrival. as if this cozy affair wasn't enough, on sunday my own mother wren and our dear family friend threw me a baby shower in my home town with friends and family in tow. food, games, laughs, and so many gifted wonders that i could hardly fit them all in my truck! our darling boy is not going to lack love and family for a moment in his life on this earth. coming home with all of our baby loot, i went right to work pulling out each and every item to look it over once more, admire it, and then lay it out in the nursery (which lacks all of it's furniture to date). sitting on the floor i stared adoringly at his little treasures, at the rocking chair my parents gave us, and the bassinet that has been passed down in my family since my own mother was born, and felt my gratitude overflowing. true blessings are the ones that come with arms filled with hugs, hearts filled with love, and words filled with shared cheer over the joys taking place.

pregnant pause

taking a moment to reflect on the past eight months, i am only able to admire how far we've come in feathering our little nest as well as feathering our hearts, minds, and our relationship. i can't say that things have come effortlessly, but i can say they have all been so worthwhile. in ways of hormones, i have hardly been a treat on those occasions in which i've succumbed to ill-placed words of blame (poor e has been the brunt of my outbursts). for the majority of these pregnant days i feel i've done moderately well in controlling my irrational emotional bubblings-- excusing the few minutes spent in tears over the cruel fact that none of my shoes fit anymore due to swollen footsies. e has been understanding most days and has only forgotten a few times that i am not in fact emotionally unpredictable by choice. i am lucky to have his support and love at these crucial moments of nutty neurosis as i'm caught doing 18 loads of laundry in a day, folding the baby's clothes for the fifth time, and hand-washing all of his toys with mild soap and warm water.

the other morning our crib showed up and i just about jumped out of my skin waiting to have e put it together. now that it's taken it's proper place in the nursery, i spend so many free moments in the day standing over it daydreaming. this morning we spent an hour in bed talking about how much we wished our sweet babe was dozing next to us in his bassinet and realizing that we haven't much more time to go before this becomes our reality. later i sat contently in the rocking chair my parents bought us and held a tiny pair of shoes to my belly while trying to imagine our little wren wearing them. a feeling surges up inside of me now and i can only describe it as a supreme need to hold my son in my arms. the need to touch and smell him. as the weeks are turning quickly into our final countdown i am overwhelmed with the reality of my changing world.

i managed to pull out the brand new sewing machine i received for christmas last year and finally removed it from it's box. i have never used a sewing machine, nor have i ever sewn anything well by hand but i wanted to give this a shot at last. after many test pieces and failures, i completed my first sewing project: a felted dove. the sense of accomplishment was empowering and i can only anticipate making toys and clothing for little wren (once i've had much more practice). then there's the image of sitting in our living room, which is now nearing it's makeover completion, folding laundry while our sweet lamb dozes in his swing. soft crooning from our record player and the collection of vinyl e has been fastidiously acquiring this summer. i look forward to christmas in this room with our small but charming tree twinkling by the window filled with trinkets and tidbits to show how much love we have for our little family. despite brief moments of nervous pre-parenthood jitters, i feel so ready for this.