Saturday, December 11, 2010

mild mornings

i've begun to take small moments for myself at very odd hours now. my 'me time' usually happens at 4:00 a.m. after i've fed little wren and put him back to bed. being that i am breastfeeding, i usually do a follow up with my breast pump to get a last let down and try to increase my milk production. so while i'm sitting either on the couch or in bed (this usually depends on where e is sleeping as he's been on the couch lately) and pumping i take a quiet moment for myself to reflect. i don't know how to meditate, though e does and has tried to teach me, but just reflecting on the day and leaving myself emptied out, calm, and refreshed has proved helpful. this morning i few my wee wren and cuddled in bed with both of my boys before getting up to come downstairs for a little mommy time. now they are both snoozing upstairs and i have managed to do a few of my usual morning things.

yesterday my momma came to visit and spend time with little c and we watched a movie cuddled up on the couch. it was relaxing up until she left.. and then everything seemed to unravel. by the time e arrived home i was all undone. thankfully, my wonderful dude has a patient way of talking me down from the dizzying heights of ledge built by frustration and loving me enough to step up when i'm stressed out and help with whatever i may need. i am guilty of trying to saddle myself with everything i want to be able to handle and waiting until the last possible moment to admit my back is breaking under the weight. e knows this all too well and has an uncanny way of pinning me down and helping me work it out. last night he did just that, as well as went to the store to buy ingredients for one of his marvelous dinner creations (no one cooks like this man) and also a treat of hot raspberry cocoa. i am so lucky and grateful for him and for the life we've built together. i cannot imagine being a parent all on my own. just having him help me unwind even after he's worked his ass off all day allows me to enjoy each moment i spend with him and with our son.

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