Tuesday, November 30, 2010

sense and snugability.

i find a little bliss in the quiet moments while baby slumbers and peace is radiating in our home. we had an appointment for little wren with the doctor yesterday and found that our tiny babe is now growing rapidly. he is now 8lbs, 2oz which means he's gained over 1/2lb since his appointment a week ago. he was deemed very healthy and growing well. makes a momma's heart swell with pride.

the whole motherhood thing has come so naturally to me that it's often caught me off guard. before sweet baby c arrived, i was worried that i would lack that motherly instinct others told me i had. how would i know when he was sick or in pain? how would i know when to check for a fever or to call the doctor? would i be able to keep my cool and not get frustrated when he couldn't tell me what he needed? but after he was here and in my arms those fears started to melt away. as they thawed, i realized that my love and connection to this boy was not going to ever be severed. i was confident i could care for and provide for my son. the moment of truth came when, as i mentioned before, he spiked a brief fever a few nights ago. when i called my mother, she asked 'well, what made you take his temperature?' and i simply replied 'because when i was feeding him he felt hot to me.' and she said 'good, you would know that better than anyone.' it made me realize that i would know these things about my baby because i am his mother. because i know him best. because as a mom you pay attention to the things that only a mom will be aware of. i felt so wonderful, especially when his fever subsided an hour later.

i watch this small and beautiful creature with awe and wonder. he's so alert. so intent on listening and looking around. he's got such quirks already that i have great hope for how his personality will grow and develop. he makes me smile, laugh, and cry all at once. to love something so much that the emotions are impossible to withhold is such a gift. i could not ask for more than this.

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